Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
