remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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