Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're my little dorito
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
