I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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