Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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