News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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