i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
