The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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