I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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