I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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