OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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