Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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