talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
