This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize