You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
