her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
