yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
