I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
