you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
