The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I have fence marks all over my body
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I need water and some morals
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
