i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
