so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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