You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
