I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize