Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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