TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
