Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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