if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
