ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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