he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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