My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
