Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
