i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
