i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
