I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
