everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
