The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
