You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
