I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
