u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
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We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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