We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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