Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
