Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
