We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
