My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
