I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
