I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
