hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
