Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize