So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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