ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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