I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
