he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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