y did u give ur computer a hand job?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
