escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Houston, we have a blender
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
