I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
