My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just googled if crying burns calories
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
