he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Come on in and take your pants off
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