You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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