It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
