just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
