Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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