If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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