After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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