i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
