i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
