My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im holly from the hills drunk
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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