it wasn't lemon gatorade
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
