OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she told me i tasted like america
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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