i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
