Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
