I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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