your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
